Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
