i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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