i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
