Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
pray to the hookup gods
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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