You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
