Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
lets start a swedish sibling band together
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
