Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
