i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
