dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Can Purell be used as lube?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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