Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
