i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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