actually, I'm a sock model
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
