If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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