omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
