my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
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