so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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