just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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