Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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