Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
