I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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