phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
