He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
