I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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