things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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