Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize