she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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