Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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