I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
