What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
