I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
