I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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