did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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