How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
