The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
