i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
