there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think we might need a safe word for this...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
