I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize