i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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