people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
