The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
