I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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