??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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