i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
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the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
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You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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