He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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