I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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