There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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