youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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