I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
