i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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