I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
