Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
