'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
