I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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