I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
