I hope mine doesn't look like that
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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