You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
