yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
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i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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