I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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