I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I could fuck to npr.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
