I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
