I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
