I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
