So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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