Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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