New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Found your dick twin last night
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
