By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
