I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
