i used baking grease as lip gloss
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
