so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
