I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
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When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
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Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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