i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
