I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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