the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
