You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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