Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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