Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
