You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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